An open letter to my eldest daughter

https://www.dropbox.com/s/pouhx9t9tuq3pfo/03%20Only%20Love.m4a?dl=0

Where has my baby gone?I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday.

You came one day early in all your beauty.

I was so happy and so proud. The world was your oyster. To me it was a new beginning, a new responsibility a great adventure. There was and there still is, nothing I would do for you to make you happy.

You were born long and are growing into a tall, wonderful young lady.

It’s an amazing honour to watch you grow into the amazing person you are turning out to be.

Always ‘caring and sharing’ as you like to say.

Eight years have flown by in the blink of an eye. At five feet tall you are still the happy, goofy, funny, affectionate child you were from the start.

When we first took you home I didn’t have clue what I was doing with such a little person. You looked delicate and fragile. However, you did teach me a lot about children and I am still learning from you. I do make mistakes and I make a lot of them. Things used to seem so cut and dry but the more I grow up the more I realise things are not so simple. Every decision I make I have to take into consideration how it will impact you.

I hope you grow up and see that I have done everything I can to do the best for you. I try not to show you when we are going through hard times. I want you to remember your childhood as a happy one.

You took your first steps before we went to Malta, your mummy was pregnant with your sister.

Who knew you two would grow up be to thick as thieves. The endless, sleepless nights you two spend talking and making each other laugh.

You only seem to be happy when you can make other people happy, sometimes to your own detriment.

I’m so proud of your individuality. Even when you started nursery and school you never let your friends change you. You are who you are and you like what you like and to hell if the people around you don’t like it. You were not going to conform.

It has been detrimental at times, but I promise you that it will benefit you when you grow up.

I’m hoping that it will make you more determined, strong and that it will bring you happiness.

You have tried to listen to the music and like the stuff other did, but it never worked for you. You love who you are. 

I wish I was more like you.

It’s great to see how hard you try. From school work, to theatre train.

The first time I came to see you on stage I was moved to tears. Seeing you up there, smiling, having the time of your life and not worried about anything or anyone but what you were doing.

Being the eldest in the family cannot be easy for you. We love you all the same, remember that.

From the moment your first sister was born you showed them unconditional love, you wanted to help and spend as much time with them as you could. You offered to feed and bath them for us. You wanted to play with them right away.

Let’s take for example last night. The baby was being sick at half nine at night. As soon as you heard something was wrong you were down asking if there was anyway you could help.

It might have looked like a frenzy but the situation was under control and it was best for you to go to bed, I didn’t want you to get sick as well.

It’s these selfless acts that are so moving, especially in one so young.

I have to keep asking myself where has my baby gone and who is this wonderful little girl I am witnessing grow before my very own eyes.

My favourite moments, apart from playing, is sitting on the couch watching whatever it you are watching, having you tucked in under my arm in an embrace. It brings back memories of my childhood doing the same thing with my dad. I always felt safe and I hope I make you feel the same.

Every time we go to the park, you look after all your sisters, you play with them as much as they’ll allow. You even look after the other younger children and make friends with the older kids. You have an amazing confidence which I have always lacked.

Whenever you go to your Nana’s, Nonna’s or a friend for a sleepover, I do miss you. I keep expecting to hear creeping noises or singing from your room. The house feels empty without you.

We all have our differences. It’s a normal process when it comes to living under the same roof and it’s part of getting to know each other. 

Admittedly, you know me better than I know myself, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, if you ever come across this and decide to read it, know whatever happens in life, that I love you, I’m proud of you and I live each day with bathed breath to see the wonderful human being you are going turn into.